June 20, 2014 | 7:31 PM
It's gotten to a point where I'm so sian diao by all of this. By waiting for a text, him being so down that he's so busy, and struggling to find a time to talk and Skype each other. Am I asking for too much? Maybe I am.
He's trying his best. I have to trust that he is. Is he missing me? I have to trust that too. Am I being unreasonable then? Maybe I am.
Maybe I should just imagine he's away at war. Military wives go on with their lives, knowing that their husbands will contact them as soon as they can, and treasure that communication because it means he's still alive. But that not knowing, and constant worry they live in, is unimaginable. I probably am insulting them by showing how little I can bear.
I need to be stronger. Talking to friends make me stronger. Doing work makes me stronger. Not thinking about the next text, or the next Skype makes me stronger. I have decided now, then, that everytime I'm lonely, I will text friends. Friends whom I know are there to support me, and make sure I understand that my relationship with my boyfriend should be less dependent and less whiny. I am not a little girl, but I'm always acting like one. It must be really tiring to him, who is woking so hard on school, and work, and familial issues.
When in doubt, I need to read this. Yes I do.
